Our Reader Krystallite Shares Her INTJ Experiences
As one of the youngest members in my large family, I thought I was somehow different from a young age. I never watched TV, used a computer/non-existent phone, or interacted with any of my family members and friends that much. All I did was huddle up on the floor to read all kinds of books: almanacs, dictionaries, and story books (some of which I wrote). Even through genetics, I was still different. I don’t look like my mom or my dad, and I was the only left-handed person in the family. So when I first found out I was an INTJ female online, it was like all of the puzzle pieces in my head just suddenly fell into place.
When I first saw how rare my personality type was, especially as a female, I knew deep inside myself that I was sighing in relief. I realized I wanted to be different, one way or another. I was that one girl who was always writing in the corner with no friends, talking to myself while dressed in simple clothes, when compared to the others’ clothes. I hated shopping, going out, or even interacting with others with a passion. I was always being told that I look sad or angry in family portraits, but why bother to move a few face muscles to smile when it’s fake or it’s just a photo, right? That was how I always thought. If I don’t need it, I won’t do it.
There was this one moment when I was in school that I vividly remember after all this time. Our guidance counselor, for career purposes, made the entire batch at our school take the official Myers-Briggs Personality Test. At first, I was excited like everyone else. I wanted to prove that I am an INTJ, and I was proud of being one of that less that 1% in the population. However, later on, I grew scared. What if my results became different? What if my personality changed to one that was common in the population? Maybe it was just me being narcissistic or something, but I wanted to still be different from everyone else. I didn’t want to be “normal”. Fortunately, my results stayed the same, even with all my internal struggles. Still, this was one of those insignificant moments that could change the way you see your life as for the me then.
I can probably never pass to be an extrovert or express my true feelings to my small group of friends without wearing a mask, and the chance of me opening up to anyone is probably close to zero. I have many imperfections, I know that for sure. But I know, and some may not agree with this, but I feel that it is better to stay the way you are rather than forcing yourself to change to become someone else or to achieve something you don’t really need. Sure, there were so many problems that arose because of how stubborn I was, but I was glad to be me. Knowing that even though I could probably never find another man or woman who thinks like me in my entire life, I’m happy with what I have become as I grew up. I needed answers, and I found them. I’m proud to be an INTJ female. And that is sure to never change.