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Our Reader Krystallite Shares Her INTJ Experiences

By on April 4, 2017

As one of the youngest members in my large family, I thought I was somehow different from a young age. I never watched TV, used a computer/non-existent phone, or interacted with any of my family members and friends that much. All I did was huddle up on the floor to read all kinds of books: almanacs, dictionaries, and story books (some of which I wrote). Even through genetics, I was still different. I don’t look like my mom or my dad, and I was the only left-handed person in the family. So when I first found out I was an INTJ female online, it was like all of the puzzle pieces in my head just suddenly fell into place.

When I first saw how rare my personality type was, especially as a female, I knew deep inside myself that I was sighing in relief. I realized I wanted to be different, one way or another. I was that one girl who was always writing in the corner with no friends, talking to myself while dressed in simple clothes, when compared to the others’ clothes. I hated shopping, going out, or even interacting with others with a passion. I was always being told that I look sad or angry in family portraits, but why bother to move a few face muscles to smile when it’s fake or it’s just a photo, right? That was how I always thought. If I don’t need it, I won’t do it.

There was this one moment when I was in school that I vividly remember after all this time. Our guidance counselor, for career purposes, made the entire batch at our school take the official Myers-Briggs Personality Test. At first, I was excited like everyone else. I wanted to prove that I am an INTJ, and I was proud of being one of that less that 1% in the population. However, later on, I grew scared. What if my results became different? What if my personality changed to one that was common in the population? Maybe it was just me being narcissistic or something, but I wanted to still be different from everyone else. I didn’t want to be “normal”. Fortunately, my results stayed the same, even with all my internal struggles. Still, this was one of those insignificant moments that could change the way you see your life as for the me then.

I can probably never pass to be an extrovert or express my true feelings to my small group of friends without wearing a mask, and the chance of me opening up to anyone is probably close to zero. I have many imperfections, I know that for sure. But I know, and some may not agree with this, but I feel that it is better to stay the way you are rather than forcing yourself to change to become someone else or to achieve something you don’t really need. Sure, there were so many problems that arose because of how stubborn I was, but I was glad to be me. Knowing that even though I could probably never find another man or woman who thinks like me in my entire life, I’m happy with what I have become as I grew up. I needed answers, and I found them. I’m proud to be an INTJ female. And that is sure to never change.

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  • William Shafer III

    It is reassuring to hear someone else who’s experienced very similar things to yourself. I feel real sympathy for Krystallite, I have my father in my life (he’s and INTJ as well), and I’m not sure I’d of made it this far in life if not fir his support.

  • shayboudoir

    I am a young (21) female (why do we have to precise our gender again?) with an extreme awkwardness when it comes to social interaction; I’ve never needed to read that I am this or that to know what and who I actually analysed to be or hardly worked on. Although, it is indeed a sort of depressing relief to put other supposed-to-be words on what we (as powerless human beings) struggle to name or describe to another (mostly stupid) human being.
    I could write a book about only my childhood and never existing teenagehood to go through a long path of self-awareness and self-improvement (apparently I am an assertive type though I am fudging harsh on myself and never feel lazy on correcting my internal codes; so to refer to that article about the subjective opinion that every INTJ must start by Turbulence type, I do agree, the key is to balance our extremes right?) but it’s too soon and would only prove to others that I am existing a way they’d probably never get.
    This fashion about Be Aware and Think More is delightful as much a bug bite under your big toe but it’s great to have the Media « support » to throw to baffled people face : read this you’ll probably get one or two tricks and save me salvation, time and a headache.
    So yes, reading about Myers-Brigg is a big thing but hey sweetie don’t rely on it; it’s just like maths, it’s a model to start understanding something you’ll never get to know as absolute truth. Perhaps we should start by self-acceptance before relief of what someone says about our type. Because we’re just much more complex than outlines of how we socially interact, yes Myers-Brigg is indeed a scheme of how someone is more susceptible to interact with their social environnement ! And never go deeper on your psychanalysis.
    So it’s cute to read a « female testimony » but it’s not when it’s as reductive as this. It’s like a testimony of how the first female may have discovered fire during Stone Age (yes isn’t because discovered something than another can’t) it’s just like : yay you have discoverd 0,1% of your path as being but carry on now you’ve got to do it again and find a use of it, don’t just sleep on it it’s gonna extinguish in the morning darling!

    Nevermind, I got carried away about that lack of depth.
    Also thanks for writing it anyways. I do relate on couple of words.

    Cheers,
    The French Londoner

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