INTJ Female: The Unicorn Amongst The Humans

By Mindaugas Jaceris on June 9, 2016

INTJ women are one of the most flexible and interesting characters of the MBTI personality types. Only ~0.8% of the human population are INTJ females, so they are also the rarest personality type. You’re unlikely to find an INTJ female, especially if they don’t want to be found, due to the INTJ preference for staying in quiet places where they can enjoy privacy and time alone. Let’s learn more about these INTJ women.

1. INTJ Girlhood

The female INTJ’s childhood might appear harsh and difficult. Despite a complete lack of interest in empathy or “girly” activities, it is at times necessary for the INTJ girl-child to pretend to be “normal” in order to please her parental authority figures.

In some ways, the INTJ girl-child appears more masculine than her non-INTJ counterparts. She isn’t interested in hugs or kisses or sharing feelings. It’s likely the INTJ girl will socialize (when necessary) with boys, where “touchy-feely” activities are less common.

The INTJ girl may experience bullying from other girls in her age range for not adhering to societal norms because her actions will appear to others more like those expected from a boy. This lack of acceptance from other females will likely encourage the INTJ girl to primarily, or even exclusively, befriend boys throughout her childhood. It might also lead to the beginnings of INTJ social anxiety.

Once the INTJ girl has started to realize that she functions differently than other children, the reason why fitting in is so difficult becomes more clear. This will result in either an adaptation for better “fitting in,” or (more likely) in isolation from other children.

Mothers of INTJ girls might not be fully satisfied with the complex character of their INTJ daughters. It is especially hard for an INTJ girl to meet the expectations of respected familial authority figures when those authorities are expecting her to act like other children do. This situation can be exacerbated by the presence of a sibling, particularly a female sibling who meets the “normal” criteria of being feminine and empathetic. The INTJ girl-child may compete with her sibling for her parents’ attention by becoming a perfectionist and arrogant.

2. Female INTJ Teen Years

Like their childhood counterparts, female INTJ teens do not often meet the expectations of others. As a defense, the female INTJ teen becomes an expert at hiding her intense and complex emotions, choosing instead to be viewed as “cold-hearted” and unempathetic.

Many INTJ females will become competitive in their teenage years. The way in which this competitiveness shows itself will differ from one INTJ female to another, though academic superiority is almost universal. This can highlight the elevated self-regard and arrogance characteristic of the INTJ.

INTJ girls are often disinterested in appearing like other girls and do not usually feel obligated to adhere to gender-specific standards. That complicates interactions between the INTJ teen and her non-INTJ counterparts. As a result, it can be difficult to find peers with whom she shares enough common interests to found a deep or lasting relationship on.

A female INTJ teen’s capacity for handling difficulties like this largely depends on the depth of character and self-respect cultivated earlier in life, during the childhood years. If an INTJ girl is self-confident enough, she will make lifetime goals and plan for success. Others may not deal with the lack of support as well, losing themselves in anxiety or even depression.

Struggles with low self-worth or self-respect can both lead to and be caused by the perfectionist habit of comparing oneself to others and to impossible, internalized standards. This can deepen anxiety in social situations, making it increasingly difficult to relax. Pressure to meet social expectations can drive the female INTJ to take refuge inside her own mind in order to avoid external judgment.

3. Relationships for the Female INTJ

INTJ women hate being stereotyped into mundane gender roles. When seeking a fulfilling relationship, an INTJ woman will look for a person with whom she can create an equivalent partnership, where both partners invest in one another and help each other to reach their life goals.

Anyone trying to form a close relationship with an INTJ woman will have to pass the formidable mental/emotional defenses that she has erected to cope with being misunderstood. Due to this desire for understanding, the first item on the “preferred trait” list is almost never physical. Interactions with a potential partner are unlikely to include flirting or physical touch, as INTJ women believe intimate relationships should be founded on intellectual and emotional compatibility and acceptance.

INTJ women love challenges, so will always seek an intellectually gifted partner (though it’s worth noting that the chosen partner isn’t always intelligent in the same way as their INTJ). In addition, they will avoid drama; this means that arguments based on emotions or logical fallacies will drive the INTJ woman away.

If a relationship doesn’t work, the INTJ woman will end it. INTJ women would rather be alone than in a nonfunctional relationship.

4. INTJ women in a workplace

INTJ women take their work seriously, approaching work situations with a professional mindset. INTJ females would rather be judged by their performance than their ability to “play nice” with their co-workers because work is viewed as a business gathering rather than a social interaction. Any desired raises or promotions will be pursued openly, rather than using “womanly charm.”

Like their male counterparts, INTJ women tend to dislike authority. As a boss with a female INTJ employee, the best way to handle them is simply to not handle them. INTJs love independence and respect. Tasks that don’t make sense or that are counterproductive to the INTJ’s perceived position may be refused. If given the option, the INTJ woman will almost always work alone or in small, like-minded groups. Forcing the INTJ woman to work in a large group or giving her unimportant, repetitive tasks is a waste of the INTJ’s greatest strengths.

Getting into workplace social interactions is a challenge. INTJ women value expertise and skills over “team-building” activities and gossip. They also hate small talk and see it as a waste of time.

And INTJ woman’s confidence can be confused with arrogance, making her seem unapproachable. In addition, anything outside of reliable work skill or related expertise in other people is ignored in a work context. Every task must be completed perfectly, and they just don’t have time to create relationships or indulge in friendly communication with colleagues.

5. Other INTJ female traits

INTJ females enjoy dark humor. Dark or “dry” humor may appear insensitive to others, particularly coming from a female. The attraction of this humor is based primarily on wordplay and irony, rather than on any hurtful intent, so within the right context, an INTJ woman will be seen as “witty” rather than unfeeling.

Most INTJ women are uninterested in children. While other women find young children or babies “cute,” INTJ females generally regard children as loud, disruptive, and undesirable. Without motivation to follow the expected standard of getting married and having children, the INTJ woman may choose to take in cats, dogs, or other (better behaved) pets instead.

Reading books is a primary interest. INTJ females like to prepare themselves for intellectually challenging discussions, or simply learn something new. If you’re thinking about giving a gift to an INTJ woman, consider a gift card to a bookstore.

People think they are sad/upset. In general, this is untrue. The INTJ female is accustomed to hiding her emotions, which results in the INTJ Death stare as her resting expression. (Don’t take it personally. Her thoughts are more interesting than what most people say – it’s not just you.)